Every person likes to be the center of attention sometimes. However, dealing with a friend who must always be the loudest can be a challenge. This can emphasize your relationship with a person and make you feel like you don’t matter. It is important to find a balance in this friendship or maybe it is not something you can continue to live with.
Do you know anyone who has to be the center of attention wherever they go? How do they behave? Are they happy, mean, or egotistical? Do they annoy you or stress you out after a while? Are they unpleasant to be around?
Every person likes being the center of attention every now and again. However, dealing with a friend who always must be the loudest, can be challenging. It can stress your relationship with the person and make you feel as though you don’t matter. It’s important to restore some balance to this friendship or it might not be something you can continue to live with.
As human beings, we have a constant need for social interaction and feedback. We need to interact with others to give us a feeling of self-worth. While some receive the recognition they need from coworkers and stable relationships, others go to great extents to get attention from anyone they can.
Some will sey that those who feel they must be the center of attention are usually emotionally immature. It is likely that such people lack self-esteem and confidence. Likewise, they are insecure and in order to offset their personal voids, they deliberately create situations that will draw attention their way.
Sometimes, or maybe always it’s like, when you’re around them you may have trouble getting a word in edgewise. Some talk, talk, and talk so much that it may drive others absolutely bonkers. Some also speak loudly as if they can’t get their words out fast enough. And as a last some potentially tell only good things about themselves, or their “bad” is also better then your one.
Although stealing the attention of others helps put out the fire of insecurity, the relief is only temporary. Because the problem that lives within such people remains hidden, their self-esteem, confidence, self-love, and self-worth remain low. Even those that tend to boast about themselves are doing so as an attempt to cover up for their inadequacies.
You’ll know when you have come across such a person just by observing their behavior. This character may be a bully or harasser, especially if they try to deceive or manipulate you. He will attempt to make you feel like he is your superior and if he doesn’t get his way, he may raise his voice or through temper tantrums. He will say that he likes to be direct and he is always honest. Likewise, he will do anything to avoid exposing his true nature and taking responsibility for his own actions.
There are several types of attention-seeking people as characterized by what they do to be the centerpiece of any situation possible as follows:
The sufferer – This is the person that seems to become ill or is prone to injuries quite often. Their so-called illness or injury is portrayed to be more intense than it really is. These people get attention by others by seeking sympathy and manipulating people emotionally, sometimes making them feel guilty because they don’t have the same illness the sufferer has. In more severe cases, attention-seekers may have Munchausen Syndrome (a factitious disorder).
The savior – Here is the type of person that will intentionally cause harm to others, but once an adverse situation arises, they will act as one who will save the lives of their victims by posing as a knowledgeable source. For example, one may engage in neighborhood vandalism done after dark and pose as a party to protect their victims from it happening to them again.
The rescuer – This person will take a role in troublesome situations only if they believe it will be beneficial for them. She then will bask in the glory of taking credit for her considerate humanitarian actions. Once she finds someone suffering from a misfortune, injury, illness, this person becomes vulnerable. Meanwhile, the rescuer builds a dependent relationship between she and the rescued. Such an act can be used to exploit the sufferer and gain more attention later on. Instead of loving the person she is rescuing, she is resentful towards them.
The take-charge person – Although she attempts to make everyone think she is organizing things and is always in control, she is not. All she wants to do is to become the center of attention. Another similar role is the busy bee. She loves telling everyone how busy she is doing stressful chores as a means of keeping things run smoothly. Though she never has time to sit down or a moment to herself, she always has the time to tell others how much she has to do.
The manipulator – This person creates attention for herself by putting guilt on the shoulders of others, especially in family situations. Though she may have no intent in harming those vulnerable to her exploitation, she may pretend she is being victimized, persecuted, excluded, or ignored in order to receive sympathy or help from others.
The feigner – When one is in trouble or being confronted for an adverse situation they caused, the person will break out in tears. Even bullies and harassers may cry to convince others they are the victim of bullying or harassment. By crying, these people get others to feel sorry for them and console them as they present a false sense of innocence.
The false confessor – Here is one that will confess to crimes they haven’t even committed as a means to get attention from the police and the media. Some even confessed as being serial killers even though they lack significant evidence of harming others. Such people are known as serial confessors to police. Others may feel they were pressured into committing a crime through inappropriate interrogation tactics.
The victim – to make others believe she is the victim of harassment, she might send herself hate mail or even destroy her own belongings as a means of incriminating a coworker, a family member, classmate, etc. She then tries to make it evident that someone else harassed her or harmed her in any other way. In a devious and manipulative way, she will identify the villain. At the same time she will bask in the attention of those who emphasize with her.
When we think of bullies, we tend to think of tough guys who are conditioned not to cry. However, serial bullies are apt to feign for attention and act as if they’ve been victimized when this is not true. For some, being a serial bully adversely affects their job. Those who interact with clients or customers have been known to have a high turnover rate and low morale. Employers often spend more money on correcting the consequences of the sufferers than they do their clients. Those who attempt to relieve the victim from suffrage only become vehicles that generate attention for these serial bullies.
How to Deal With a Friend Who Needs to Be the Center of Attention?
Accepting Your Friend!
Love the positive—and the negative. No person is all sunshine and roses and every friendship has many layers. Being someone’s friend means accepting every facet of his or her personality. Accept that your friend needs to be the center of attention, but also that they have other wonderful qualities.
– Focus on your friend’s positive qualities as much as you can, even in situations where the person needs to be in the spotlight. Consider that your friend may feel threatened by an accomplishment of yours, and so acts out as a confidence booster.
– Remember that as long as your friend’s need for attention isn’t harming you or another person, you can accept his or her need to be the center of attention.
– Avoid trying to change your friend. If you feel the need to change someone, then it might be best to not engage in the friendship.
Allow your friend to be themselves. If your friend constantly needs to be the center of attention, there may be some underlying issues about which you don’t know. Avoid making the person feel uncomfortable by shouting or talk down to your friend. If you point out that they never shut up or try to compete for attention, they may feel that you’re cramping their style.
– Manage your expectations about your friend. If you don’t think they can stop taking the spotlight, keep this in mind whenever you are with the person. Not expecting the person to completely change may help you enjoy the friendship more.
Revisit the reasons you became friends. No matter how long you’ve been friends, there was something that sparked your friendship. If you are having a hard time with your friend’s need for attention, think about what bonds you share to remind yourself why you’re friends.
– Remind yourself of what you have in common. Do your both love exotic cuisines or going for bike rides? Draw on these interests as well as your friend’s other qualities to shift focus away from their need for attention.
Have empathy. In many cases, the need to be the center of attention is related to a deeper weakness. Consider what causes your friend’s need to be in the spotlight. This may help you be more empathetic with their behavior and even cue you into helping them get over their weaknesses.
– See if you notice specific situations in which your friend needs to be the center of attention. For example, it could be when your friend is around a co-ed crowd or with people who are more successful.
– Talk to your friend honestly—and gently—about any patterns you see. You may find out that your friend just needed someone to talk to and some tips on how to navigate difficult situations.
Highlight your friend’s individuality. If your friend has certain weaknesses, remind them about other unique characteristics they person possess. This may help them relax and not need to be the center of attention. In fact, this step may make your friendship stronger.
Confronting Your Friend about the Behavior!
Be honest about your feelings. Honestly is the foundation of any strong friendship. If your friend’s behavior is harming your friendship or other people, tell your friend that their behavior is offensive. This may get them to realize that they are alienating friends and others.
Keep your comments positive. Broach your friend’s behavior in a non-confrontational manner. This can help maintain the friendship and may also keep your friend from feeling badly about themselves. Remember that they may not be purposely stealing the spotlight.
– Emphasizing community and using disappointment is a good tactic to get your friend to realize their shortcoming. It’s also far more effective than anger or negativity.
Let your friend know when the behavior has gone too far. Your friend may completely take over situations with their need to be in the spotlight. If this happens, explain to your friend that their behavior crossed the boundaries of acceptability.
Break tension with sarcasm. If your friend’s behavior is making others uncomfortable, consider distracting everyone by making a sarcastic remark. This can help break the tension and put everyone at ease while giving your friend a hint that their behavior has gone too far.
Be supportive of your friend. Even if you don’t agree with your friend’s behavior, try and give the person unconditional support. You may be unaware of underlying issues or something else that sparked your friend’s need for attention.
Navigating Difficulties Privately!
Determine the source of your feelings. Your feelings about your friend’s need to be the center of attention may stem from your own insecurities or how the person makes you feel. Considering why your friend’s behavior bothers you might help you disengage from your feelings and get through being with the person.
– Ask yourself honest questions about your feelings. For example, you might not like the way your friend behaves because it makes you feel like a lesser person. Your friend’s behavior might also embarrass you in social settings.
Limit contact with your friend. If your friend’s need to be the center of attention is too much, it may be best to either limit the time you spend together or avoid the person altogether. This may help relieve any stress you feel about the friendship and help you enjoy time with the person.
– Consider limiting personal contact and any social media you follow. For example, you might find that not having to see constant self-aggrandizing Facebook posts helps you tolerate your friend in person.
– Remember to keep your relationship civil and polite. This person is your friend and you may not want to hurt the person. You can say, “I’m sorry, I’m just really busy with work and don’t have a lot of time right now.”
End the friendship. If your friend continues to need to be the center of attention despite your best efforts, consider whether this friendship is worth it. Living in the shadow of someone else, especially if you’re expected to back them up without your feelings being reciprocated, can take its toll on your confidence and enjoyment. Friendships take work but they’re not supposed to have constant drama or be a constant effort. You may find that life is more enjoyable without this person in your life.
– Be as kind and honest as possible when ending the friendship. For example, saying, “I’ve noticed a change in our friendship in the last few months. I think it’s sad that it’s come to an end, but I wish you nothing but the best in the future.” That will always be better than, “your need to hog the spotlight annoys me and I don’t want to be friends anymore.”
– Meet the person if you are in the same city and explain your feelings. If you are in different cities, send the person a kind, handwritten note. This can help you feel confident that you’ve considered your decision and shows the other person that you have enough respect to take that time and write to them.
– Keep your reasons focused on yourself and not on the other person. Say, “It’s hard for me to witness what you’re going through. I need to end our friendship and think that it’s the best decision for both of us.” This signals the person that the problem is with you and not them.