The presence of adultery throughout history is permanent. From the time of Zeus and Abraham, from literature to religious scriptures, through movies and popular art, adultery has always been present there. Many countries in the world consider adultery to be a criminal offence and have a law in force on the matter (not only Sharia law countries but also in some Western ones).
What exactly is adultery and why are people prone to it? It is a question that preoccupies many scientists and researchers. Not once the history changed its course because of adultery … rulers and thrones changed … wars began. Is it worthed?
According to literature, adultery is extramarital sex that is considered inappropriate on social, religious, moral, or legal grounds. Although the sexual activities that constitute adultery vary, as well as the social, religious, and legal consequences, the concept exists in many cultures and is similar in Christianity, Islam, and Judaism. A single act of sexual intercourse is generally sufficient to constitute adultery, and a more long-term sexual relationship is sometimes referred to as an affair. Of course, cheating can also happen in a relationship and it equally causes pain and leads to a breakup.
Why is forbidden sweeter for some people? Many psychologists claim that adultery occurs for two reasons. The first is dissatisfaction in the current marriage or relationship. Dissatisfaction can come in the emotional sense, misunderstanding, lack of sex, or monotony. Another reason may be the immaturity of a partner who in adultery explores himself as he is growing. One British study found that about 80 percent of men who cheat on their partners do so just for the sake of sex, while 20 percent of women embark on an adventure just for that reason. The rest of the women decide to cheat in an already existing marriage or relationship for only one reason – lack of love and loneliness in the relationship or marriage. Women are more likely to fall in love with a partner with whom they have cheated. That somehow coincides with the fact that women (like a man) want passion in a relationship. Because when a relationship is legalized (marriage), research says that that initial passion lasts for about six months. When a relationship is hidden, a secret, that passion lasts for up to two years. It could be concluded that it is in fact passion that sustains a relationship or marriage.
Esther Perel, a Belgian psychotherapist who wrote the book “The State of Affairs”, talks about four reasons why people still cheat even though they are in a good “quality” relationship. The first is self-research, affair as a form of research and the search for the true “I”. In this type of cheating, those who cheat are not looking for another partner but are looking to explore themselves. Another reason for deception could be the very nature of wo/man (person), that is, the natural excitement when it comes to seduction. Person seeks excitement so much that it easily leans toward what is forbidden. Here we can say that only the “forbidden cookie tastes sweet”. Next could be exploring new emotions. Men are quite sensitive in this regard because they talk less about their emotions, but it also happens to women. For them, in the case of the appearance of these emotions that they have been covering up for years (both pain and joy), this is an emotional deception more than a sexual experience. And the fourth reason is stated to be experiencing a feeling that has not been experienced. It talks here about missed opportunities, about what we could and didn’t. There is a challenge in terms of what would happen if there was a second chance.
It is quite irrelevant whether there is a reason for adultery because recovering from it is quite difficult and requires a lot of effort from both partners in recovery and forgiveness. It is actually very painful and often leads to break up of existing relationship. It causes hearth ache, betrayal, sorrow, the loss of trust and huge pain. In this sense, the question arises as to what it takes to forgive to overcome adultery when we feel that we have or have been betrayed by trust or sexual adultery, when we know that perhaps we are sexually less attractive to a partner? Viewed in this way, men find it harder to forgive sexual adultery because they think that they have not be a “man” enough, while women find it harder to return the lost trust.
When you think of cheating, you probably first think of secret meetings behind your partner’s back, coded messages so you wouldn’t be discovered, and sex. However, according to The Independent, the most common form of adultery does not involve any physical contact. With more than 20 percent of people willing to admit that they got into an affair that involved intimate contact, as many as 45 percent of men and 35 percent of women admitted that they got into an emotional affair, or that they cheated on their partner in the way that did not include physical contact.
What kind of adultery is this that does not involve physical contact? An emotional affair is defined as the transition of platonic or friendly feelings toward a person with whom you are not in a relationship into romantic or sexual ones. In other words, when a friendship grows into something inappropriate, you’re probably embarking on an emotional affair without even knowing it.
Such adultery are becoming more common and more people are willing to admit that they have embarked on emotional affair because people do not perceive them as cheating on their partners at all. Of course, people are allowed to be friends with people of the other that attracts them, however emotional affair blurs the line between friendship and romance, and many are unaware that they have crossed that line.
This is especially common in today’s age: the electronic age. Communication has never been easier; and when we don’t have a real person in front of us, it’s easier to cross the boundaries and not to worry about shame and fear … we communicate easier. We open the “door” for strangers, to meet them and find online friends. Often these friendships grow into something more. It is quite irrelevant whether the person with whom we make online contact is really what he/she is, it is important that if we open up, create some form of connection, communication that cross the emotional boundary and we become excited around these people’s communication, not to say dependend on that communication to flow. We make an emotional deception. We need that someone to satisfy our need for someone and not be lonely.
At the end, we always wonder if it is worthed? Is love enough to maintain good relationship, passion, and satisfaction? Is it more fair to be honest and end relationship instead of hurting another person, who probably loves you dearly? Is it really sweeter or it causes long term pain? These are the questions to ask before stepping out of relationship, because it leaves permanent marks on any relationship that it can be too late to erase. It hurts the person. It causes the pain. Is it worthed?