Hercalitus said, “Our envy lasts longer than the happiness of those we envy.”
You have probably at least once found yourself in a situation where you feel the envy of other people towards your success. This success can be personal in terms of your personality, business or even in private life (harmonious marriage, family, child success, etc.). At the very least you have felt indifference or you have not felt the joy of the people around you for your success. Why is it like that? Why do people envy others for their success and why can’t they rejoice with you?
Envy is a emotion that is kept hidden. It is not talked about except for someone who is also envious of the same person(s) and who will act together to deny the success of another. Circumstances in which envy occurs always include a social comparison or a form of competition directed towards someone, that is, the way in which the person who envies values himself. Since envy is triggered only when a person finds himself in a certain situation in a very short period of time, we view it as a bad and ugly emotion. The only way someone can fight their envy of other people is by raising themselves and their self-esteem. A person who wraps himself in another tries in every way to achieve some of his own success, but experiences failures one after another. It is this attempt to succeed in order to be better than others that cannot create a real feeling of satisfaction and happiness with one’s success, and even with life. Emotions are there to help people, so what is the purpose of envy towards others? Envy can be seen as an emotion that is associated with competition and social comparison of oneself and those who are the subject of evaluation. What is problematic about envy is that the person who feels it triggers a feeling of animosity towards the other person, but at the same time anxiety within themselves.
Envy has to do with a feeling of dissatisfaction with someone else’s success or with what they have and at the same time, a hidden feeling of inferiority towards others. Instead of people striving to achieve their own success, according to their needs, those who envy want what the other person has or want the other person to lose their quality or what they possess to make the world look fair to him.
Seen like this, if someone envies you, it can only be a compliment. But it is not easy when you find yourself in a situation where there are people around you, and very often, who envy you. Who then to share your success with, who to talk to and enjoy the same together?
Envy has many manifestations, and some of them are what are called “hidden dragons”. For example, they may be attracted to the wrong person because of what they actually envy. Also, it is possible for them to enter into a romantic relationship or take a business step with people they envy, but all this is from the wrong foundations. But that initial idealization of a partner in any form usually ends up as a disappointment. When they regain consciousness, they begin to feel hostility, which was initially hidden and unconscious. Envy is an emotion that can be acquired in the family, during growing up. For example, if parents had financial and material problems, they may have envied those who were not in those situations. Or if a parent idealizes a college education that was impossible for them to acquire, the child begins to admire the intellectual achievements. It is the same with parents who had ambitions in sports that they did not achieve and the like.
When you possess certain personality traits that attract attention — traits like charisma, creativity, or self-discipline — simply if you are what you are, it may be enough for others to envy you, or at least resent you.
If you are the target of envious people, you have probably wondered why a person spends more time on diminishing your success than on addressing their own low self-esteem and working on inner fulfillment and self-empowerment.
The first reason for that could be that envious people come out of their personality when others compliment or congratulate you. Envy is an emotion so universal that it is mentioned in both ancient and religious writings. Recognizing a person who envies you is not easy because they do not have any special characteristics. Often you cannot even believe that this person is envious of you or your success. This is precisely because in the moment of envy, they come out of their personality and become someone else. In social circumstances you probably haven’t heard or seen them being bad or critical of others, even towards you they are always cordial. However, you notice that when you give all the praise or congratulate, suddenly these people appear without expression or act nervous and impatient.
Another reason could be that envious people are committed to questioning your work and not understanding your intentions. In an effort to reverse the imbalance of power in their thoughts, despair of exceeding their goal can force some people, subject to envy, to justify relentless surveillance and violent behavior. They seem to wait patiently for the humiliating omissions of their target, especially the public ones, and take every opportunity to correct or condemn them. Their commitment to not understanding the goal leaves no room for mercy.
Another reason could be that they use “ad hominem” attacks and stereotypes to discredit or underestimate your intelligence, skills and / or talent. What happens when even a destructively envious person cannot detect flaws in the character or part of the goal? Then they usually start attacking personal traits that have nothing to do with what they envy their object of envy for, even resorting to arrogance. An envious person who cannot find legitimate “flaws” in the person they envy will distract others from the appeal of their goals or try to humiliate them by making any criticism. They most often romanticize your life or assume they deserve your success because you fought less. Those who assume that your life and success are effortless will usually never be as happy for you as you expect, because for a start they can’t see what’s most important in your accomplishments, growth, or progress. Personally, those who are ashamed of what they are and hate their own lives will never be able to review your happiness or privilege, even when they themselves take advantage of benefits that have never been given to you. And as for your hard-earned victories, they never seem to realize the courage, discipline, and sacrifice that have turned into your fulfilled dreams. They are inclined to assume that your life path is without obstacles.
At the very end, people who envy you try to downplay you, while copying your characteristics, lifestyle, or actions. The ironic feature of those who are prone to envy is that they often copy the things they criticize in relation to their goals because they are always careful, and they are often competitive and desperate for confirmation.
In fact, research proves that envy can increase the likelihood of correctly remembering details about an envious person, much more than for someone who is not envied, even to the point that envy interferes with rational cognition (Hill, DelPriore, & Vaughn, 2011).
We look for happiness in ourselves and those who are close to us, we rejoice in someone else’s success because then ours will be real and bigger.
Author: Minka
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