Love is something we all want. Ever since birth, we have been looking for love, kindness, attention. We need it and no one can live without it. It is the basic emotion , if not a need, of every human being.
What about the love we are looking for in a relationship? We think everyone else receives love but we don’t. We wonder what we are doing wrong so we can’t find that love and keep it?
Imagine that we have found that perfect love. Is the mere existence of love enough? Every relationship requires patience. Every relationship has different phases and each phase requires work, effort, patience, indulgence, compromise and much more. Various researchers have come to the conclusion that each relationship has several stages.
The first stage of relationship is the initial one, falling in love. The one when butterflies fly in our stomachs, when we see everything perfectly beautiful. This is when we are content, happy, and elated. When we are in love our body secretes a lot more happiness hormones. We are so happy thad we see our partner through pink glasses and assign him/her qualities that he/she doesn’t even have. He/she is perfect and we think that because he/she is like that he/she will meet all our expectations and we will be happy, together, for the rest of our lives.
The second phase of our relationship is a little more serious and refers to life as a couple. We all want to live together at some point in a relationship, of course in the first phase we already have the idea that this life as a couple will be ideal, everything is ideal for us then. Our infatuation becomes bigger, deeper, we think a lot about making the relationship official, even starting a family. Our trust in our partner is growing, and we want to build a life on it. Our sex life is becoming more intense, more passionate. We feel safe, happy, we are loved and we can swear that our relationship will survive just about anything.
The third phase is already becoming a reality, some call it an awakening from illusions (illusions in this context represent that perfect image of our partner). At this stage, we begin to act like ourselves. Our partner too. And here comes the problem, because by relaxing and sobering we realize that our partner is not as ideal as we imagined him to be. He/she is just regular human. There are problems that usually occur in life together and we may not like the way our partner reacts or solves the problem. At this stage it is necessary to achieve good communication and be patient. Demonstrate a willingness to compromise. If we fail to communicate various problems (even the smallest ones) our relationship will not survive this phase. Our partner is no longer ideal, he/she is just a human. There is no super power and together we need to overcome all adversity. Due to inadequate communication we can even experience physical problems, such as lack of sexual desire, heart and digestive problems. According to researchers, our relationships usually end at this stage, due to inadequate communication, due to the lack of patience necessary to solve problems and understand the functioning of our partner. But it doesn’t have to mean the end. This phase, if we care about the partner and the relationship, can be a step towards an even stronger relationship, connection and understanding.
The fourth stage according to some researchers is the creation of lasting love. Our partner becomes what we need, we become compatible, we solve problems together and we are more in love and happier. Dealing with relationship problems brings us conflicts but by resolving them we become calmer, more satisfied and see the partner as an individual who also has his/hers own expectations and his/hers understanding of life as a couple. Here we can, if we make an effort, see that some of the problems in the relationship date back to the past, perhaps even from childhood. Already at this stage, our self-confidence grows, so with partners, we learn to better accept our shortcomings and appreciate our virtues. The last in a series of stages that can be significant to our relationship is the love with which we can change the world. The moment we finally overcome all disagreements and establish a strong, unbreakable connection with the person we love, then we are ready to change the world around us. Not really, but we begin to be one and “radiate” our love to the environment. We share it and become an example of a successful relationship.
Now we have seen love come, grow, change, evolve and mature. It takes a lot to “make” love, and, for one relationship, even more. Love does not come by itself. Love requires a lot from you. Understanding, patience, compromise, desire for change, acceptance of the differences and working on yourself. We have to work twice on ourselves (and this applies to both partners). If we are not ready to work on ourselves, there will be nothing from the relationship. As we are maturing and changing so do our needs and reflecting and looking at those is needed through the maturation of our relationship.
The question that was at the beginning is whether love is enough for us for a successful relationship? If we really manage to reach that love that changes the world, if we have the support of a partner, healthy communication, patience, compromise, then maybe yes. Maybe that’s enough for us. Because we will be able to achieve, for example, a career with a partner with whom we have that true love. Who understands us, supports us, with whom we can talk openly about problems on our part. It is the same with starting a family. If there is mutual support, for example in household chores, raising a child with common attitudes in upbringing, the involvement of both partners in education, then that love is enough.
So, let us seek for love, let us not give up if we think we have found it and if we have come to a problem. Sometimes we also need to show initiative that we want to solve the problem.
Of course, all of the above goes in both directions. There is no true love if only one partner is “involved”. Then we can be in a relationship with ourselves and just love ourselves. But that is too simple and not what we are looking for.
Author: Minka
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