Let us come to terms with the fact that, although this is not our intention, sometimes we are most jealous of those we love … but if we understood what it was about, we would consciously try to stay away from this negative feeling. At some point in our lives we all feel jealous or envious of other people, but when we begin to act in accordance with those feelings, our actions become unhealthy and potentially dangerous.
“Jealousy is natural, but not necessary!” – Unknown author
Since the creation of the world, jealousy has been the most common emotion, along with love. It has been a central and common theme in many films, fictions (Shakespeare called it the green-eyed monster) and other forms of art throughout the history. Jealousy is also a common theme in the Holy books. Consider Cain and Abel (Habil and Kabil), the two sons of Adam. Cain killed his younger brother in a jealous rage.
When you are overwhelmed by the ubiquitous idea that you miss things, you slowly become blind to what you already have and become ungrateful for that. If you have ever seen these things, persons, details as gifts of life, under feeling of jealousy you do not see them as such any more.
And jealousy, even, is not limited to people. Wild animals like chimpanzees and elephants show jealous tendencies.
Long-surviving stories of jealousy include David, another king of Israel, who did not like King Saul until he triumphed against the Philistines and the legendary Goliath. After these significant successes, Saul forced him to leave the country because of a mature case of jealousy. David laughed last though – he eventually became King of Israel and built quite an empire for himself.
We also know the story of the Prophet Yusuf as Yusuf’s brothers were strong and conspired against him wanting to get rid of him by throwing him into a well. Yusuf, later became one of the most powerful persons in Egypt and close to the King.
Let’s stop to define jealousy, which is either resentment over someone who enjoys success or an advantage over you or fear of losing something you think is yours (rightly or wrongly) – your spouse, your best friend, and so on. Ralph Hupka, a professor of psychology at California State University, says: “Jealousy is an anticipatory emotion. It seeks to prevent loss.” Hupka also provides answers to questions that many people ask, whether jealousy is influenced by age, gender, ethnicity or other factors. These questions, although very interesting, are also extremely difficult to answer, and need to be studied in a controlled, scientific environment. According to Dr. Hupka, many psychologists believe that women are more prone to be more jealous, simply because they are honest and in touch with their feelings, as opposed to men.
The initiators of jealousy in men and women also tend to be the same. Both sexes become jealous when they fear losing something or someone valuable to them. One study, however, found that women are more likely to target jealous behavior at a rival instead of their partner. Maybe the Greek goddess Hera was ahead of her time, when she targeted the mistresses of her husband Zeus, rather than addressing the problem of infidelity that existed between them.
The suspicion that arises in a person in relation to a partner and calls for predictions that are largely unfavorable and almost never based on real facts. “He’s/She’s going for coffee with his/hers ex-girlfriend or boyfriend, he’s/she’s obviously still attracted to her/him,” “He’ll come home and tell me he wants a divorce,” “Obviously she’ll get a promotion! She knows how to ‘sell’ herself to the boss …”. Whatever movie you create in your head, you will always find people or situations that support your story. What is the story you tell yourself? What is the basis of your jealous feelings?
“Nothing can ruin a relationship faster than jealousy.” – unknown Twitter post
No one wants a jealous partner, brother or sister, colleague or friend – and no one enjoys jealousy or experiencing jealous behavior. The question that is constantly asked, what can you do to overcome jealousy?
1. Suggestion – COMMUNICATION. First, be emotionally intelligent with yourself and those who are important to you, because no one can read your mind. If you feel jealous, be open with yourself about your intentions. Do you feel you deserve to be in that new position at work? Do you have reason to think your partner is cheating? Have you been cheated on before? Very often we are not aware of what is subconsciously happening. It is up to you to find the root of your insecurity and then resolve it. Don’t hide what it is – it doesn’t have to be a deep secret that you carry.
2. Suggestion – TRUST. Jealousy stems from a lack of trust; you bring a lack of trust into your life process, into your relationship with your partner or towards your partner, but in the end you also develop mistrust in yourself. Lack of trust breeds insecurity, which creates jealousy. Naturally, we stifle those feelings because they are uncomfortable. It’s a vicious circle. And as long as your thoughts and energy are clearly focused on what you might lose, that’s exactly what will happen. This is a cold and strong truth about jealousy: It is a self-fulfilling prophecy. When your thoughts and energy are clearly focused on what you might lose, that’s exactly what will happen. “
3. Suggestion – TAKE ACTION. It is extremely important to prevent yourself from “fixing” on what you do not have. Rather, refocus your perspective on the fact that our desires can and are revealed through our daily actions. The big question: “How do you spend your days?” What you want should be a source of inspiration, giving you strength, motivation and the ability to act forward.
A popular misconception about jealousy is that it is the same as envy. In fact, the feeling of envy refers to the desire for something that someone else has, like fast cars or a house on the sea, a cottage in the mountains. Jealousy, however, is more aptly described as the fear of losing something (lover, promotion, friend, etc.) because of someone else.
If a green-eyed monster shows its face, remember that jealousy can be an extraordinarily powerful tool if we use it to force ourselves to get what we want most. Instead of being envious, use this powerful energy of envy to help you work toward what will actually bring you more of what you want and less of what you feel you lack.
“Feel the emotion, but don’t become an emotion. Witness her. Let her. Let her go. “. Unknown author
The negative aspects of jealousy are obvious, but can it ever yield positive results? Thomas Jefferson, the founder and third president of the United States, believed that a truly free government could only be established through jealousy, which would protect it and help it thrive. Dr. Hupka notes that normal jealousy is a sign that one partner cares about the other and thus values their partnership. In short, when jealousy is kept within normal limits, it can be a good thing. As soon as you start threatening someone’s pet, take that as a sign that the green-eyed monster has gone too far.
“Jealousy in love is like salt in food. It can improve the taste a little, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening. ” Maya Angelou
Author: Minka
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